hey people this skin's still under construction so yeah, be patient hurhur:D
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i've been thinkin these days and i've had a relapse. sometimes i wonder how you'r doing and if you ever stil think of me. i donkno if im even in your memory anymore. i do want to talk to you and clear all the misunderstandings we've had since the last time we talked, that time when you wanted us to be strangers. i donkno how you felt when you said that, if you actually felt better and all but i know it sure didnt come easy for me. i've survived, sure i did but who knows how tough it was ? did you even care. did all the promises that you made and the words that you said mean the slightest thing to you ? they meant the whole world to me and i still have those emails. i almost killd myself when i deleted all our conversations we've had online becos they've been keepin me livin and staying strong. i dont understand you still. i dont get it all. i've been waiting for you to talk to me all these while. i thought you didnt mean it, that on the next day we'd still talk like nothing happened. how could you not mean all those words and yet mean the fact that you want us to be strangers. yeah perfect strangers, thats what we are. i hate you. i hate you so much. i hate you for not meaning all those. i hate you for making me stay and yet walking out on me. but the thing i hate you most is that i cant hate you. i love every lil thing about you. when you used to get into trouble, you wont imagine how worried i got. how much i couldnt concentrate during trainings just because i thought you'd get into serious trouble. and when i told you, did you even care ? no, you didnt. not at all. you spoke to me in that cold hard tone of yours. when on the day before you actually said you loved me. you'r always so contradictive. why did we have to go through so much when in the end all went back to square one ? i donkno how you'r doin with her; i've heard shes been slashing. i donkno man. it hurts to think that you love her when you said you wouldnt. you told me to be fucking strong didnt you. and then you left. i had that fucking fever that day we last talked. to think i actually thought you were my medicine for everything. all those emails.. when i look through them how much i tear inside. yeah you were right. to love is a fool. we shouldnt have started it all..
-you'r my forbidden fruit; im poisoned by my greed..